Stay Alive (2006)

stay alive

Genre: Horror

Cast: Jon Foster, Samaire Armstrong, Frankie Muniz

Synopsis: A group of hot, young adults all play a video game. Unfortunately, the game is haunted and the game’s central villain begins picking them off one by one.

There have been many attempts over the years to turn video games into movies: Resident Evil, Silent Hill, Mortal Kombat etc. For the most part, these adaptations have been unsuccessful. Stay Alive is a little different in that it’s not an adaptation, but a film that centres on the characters playing a haunted video game. It’s like an updated Ringu. Whoever made the film, however, has clearly never played a video game. In fact, whoever made this film has obviously never opened a history book or developed any idea of how decent people act in real life situations.

So what is this video game about? It’s about a serial killer. A fictitious one? No. A real life serial killer….wow. That has got to be one of the most inappropriate things to ever happen. Can you imagine someone making a video game about Jeffrey Dahmer or Fred and Rose West? It’s just something you should never do! OK, the serial killer in the game is a historical one but that hardly makes it better. The killer’s victims were still real people and I don’t think they would appreciate their killer being celebrated in a video game…if they know what that is. So, who is the serial killer in this film?

Elizabeth_Bathory_PortraitDis bitch

Elizabeth Báthory, a 16th century noblewoman who supposedly slaughtered dozens of young and fertile wenches and then bathed in their blood to keep her youthful looks. Fucked up, right? Yes, she was an awful human being but the makers of this film didn’t even do that good a job of researching her life. In fact, the characters just spread lies about her and put her in New Orleans, which, may I remind you, did not fucking exist in the 16th century! Aaaaah, historical accuracy rage. Hollywood writers, I implore you, research your characters thoroughly.

Hocus Pocus

So what else is wrong with this film? The characters! All of them are terrible but special mention goes out to the one played by Anna from The OC aka Penny from the Hanson song, ‘Penny and Me Tonight.’ I refuse to call her by her actual name. She’s the sort of person who takes photographs at a funeral. Who does that!? No-one because it’s fucking rude, and borderline psychotic. Frankie Muniz is in the film too and it’s funny yet rather depressing to see how his cuteness as a kid in Malcom in the Middle did not continue into adulthood. Milo Ventimiglia is the only actor to come out relatively unscathed and that’s because he’s killed off before he has a chance to get annoying.

High-lights:

  • A lot of the annoying characters get killed off.

Downers:

  • How are all the characters playing the video game on one screen if it’s first person?
  • Seriously!? A video game about a serial killer?
  • Stop taking photos! You’re at a fucking funeral! Show some god damn respect.
  • The historical inaccuracy makes my blood boil.

Summary:

I can’t believe I wasted 90 minutes of my life on this steaming turd. If you want a scary video game experience then do yourself a favour and play Resident Evil or Silent Hill because this movie should be avoided at all costs.

1.5/10

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5 Comments

Filed under Crap, Horror

5 responses to “Stay Alive (2006)

  1. >Seriously!? A video game about a serial killer?<

    I can think of two off the top of my head, both from the mid-nineties: the second Phantasmagoria game, A Puzzle of Flesh (designed by Roberta Williams, the woman behind the King's Quest series) and Harvester, which to this day may be the sickest game I've ever played, with all current slang definitions of "sick" being appropriate. The first two-thirds of that game ruled so hard.

    If the Stay Alive kids had been playing Harvester, that would have made for a much better movie.

  2. Abbi

    Ouch… sounds like a real stinker.

  3. Well, shit. Now I want to watch this. I kind of enjoy watching a bad idea come apart at the seams.

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