Genre: Erotic Thriller
Cast: Matt Dillon, Neve Campbell, Kevin Bacon, Denise Richards
Synopsis: Two teenage girls accuse their school guidance counselor of raping them but are they telling the truth and, if not, then what is their real motive?
I have watched a fair few erotic thrillers in recent weeks. I’m not sure what that says about where I’m at in my life but let’s roll with it for the moment. I knew very little about this movie so when I saw it posted on Netflix, I let curiosity get the better of me. To be frank, I was expecting some sort of tawdry affair, like a child beauty pageant. In all honesty, that’s exactly what I got but this version is a lot more adult and inappropriate: think JonBenét Ramsey rather than Toddlers in Tiaras.
Wild Things follows Matt Dillon who plays a school guidance counselor who is accused of rape by two students. The first student is rich-bitch Denise Richards and the second is Alligator-molester-trailer-trash Neve Campbell. That is literally all I can give away about the plot because after the first third the movie gets more twists than a Curly Wurly.
So what is it about this movie that makes it so inappropriate? Well, for starters, supple young ladies’ breasts. Everywhere. The actresses are of age, but the characters are supposed to be 16 or something but that doesn’t stop the filmmakers from showing their jubblies through sopping wet t-shirts and swimming costumes that go miraculously see-through out of the water. Thank God I am not aroused in the slightest by such things otherwise I would have begun to feel like Jimmy Saville.
It gets worse when Richards and Campbell engage in an epic cat fight in the pool. These bitches are literally trying to kill each other with their boobies jiggling all over the place. All of a sudden, they start lezzing out. Now, I have a lot of lesbian friends. Lesbians are awesome but attempted murder is not how they initiate sex. That is a straight man’s fantasy. It would have been far more accurate to show Richards and Campbell going off to a book or basket weaving club before engaging in cunnilingus.
There is also this weirdly homoerotic thing going on between Kevin Bacon and Matt Dillon’s characters towards the end of this movie. The movie is not explicit with it; at no point does Bacon stick his tongue down Dillon’s throat but it is suggested that they have done the horizontal mattress mambo. Plus, Bacon is weirdly hot in this movie. I never saw him as a sexy guy thanks to those terrible EE adverts he does here in the UK but in this movie he had this aggressive sex appeal coupled with piercing blue eyes and a perky ass. I appreciated the effort to bring in some man on man eroticism in to the mix…however, the message you get at the end of the movie is that all gay people are immoral con artists and murders. In fact, that’s the message you get at the end of most erotic thrillers: Color of Night or Basic Instinct anyone?
Despite the tastelessness, the movie does manage to retain an element of unbridled fun…primarily because everything that is going on is just absolutely ridiculous. Seriously, who opens the door in their panties and why is Bill Murray playing a lawyer in this film? OK, Bill Murray is definitely one of the best things about this film but I’m not sure I would ever want him representing me in court. The point is, it feels as though Wild Things takes place in some sort of alternative 90s universe where nothing is logical. Still, it makes for great comedy fodder.
- Everything about Denise Richards in this movie is hysterical, from the little girl shoes to the attempted murder love in…she far surpassed her Christmas Jones role in this movie.
- Bill Murray. You can’t help but love the guy. He’s the perfect father figure.
- Neve Campbell is a bad-ass in the movie. She clearly had a lot of fun playing this role.
- Beautiful shots of the everglades to begin with….and then the gators come and it gets sleazy. Actually, there is a lot of shots of gators when this sleazy porn music starts laying. Symbolism perhaps?
- Hilariously inappropriate scenes of lesbian sex.
- Aaaaahhh, the teeth!!!!
- Kevin Bacon’s ass was strangely hot and you see his peen. I feel dirty.
If you can get over the tacky premise and the disgustingly inappropriate portrayal of teenage-adult relationships, Wild Things is pretty good for a laugh. Although it has its fair share of twists and turns, it’s not a difficult film to keep up with. It’s the sort of film you can put on after a hard day at the office. It won’t rock your world but it’ll keep you entertained for a couple of hours…you may need to take a shower afterwards though because this film is pure grade-A filth.