Labyrinth (1986)

Labyrinth

Genre: Action/Adventure, Musical

Cast: David Bowie, Jennifer Connelly

Synopsis: After a mincing pervert kidnaps her baby brother, Jennifer Connelly must solve a complex labyrinth within 13 hours or face losing her brother forever and getting in trouble with her parents.

This is one of my mum’s favourite films. Growing up, I thought her love of the film stemmed from the fact it was an exciting movie with some loveable characters and awesome puppets. Having watched this film again I came upon the real reason: David Bowie’s cock in tights. My illusions have been shattered; my innocence lost. Despite this awful realisation, I still enjoyed Labyrinth for all the same reasons I enjoyed it as a kid and for a few more reasons too.

What carried over from my childhood? Well, for starters, this film has a puppet of a fox with an English accent riding about on a dog. What’s not to love about that? Secondly, I love mazes. They fascinate me and a film which features a giant maze and one hell of an awesome riddle is bound to keep my interest. Speaking of that riddle, I managed to figure it out while baked! Sure, I had to press pause and it took about ten minutes to figure it out but the point is that I got there in the end. Another thing I loved as a kid was the sheer inventiveness of the story and the setting. Each scene transports you to a surreal alternative universe where nothing is as it seems and where everything is unexpected.

What did I love about this film now that I am a twenty five year old stoner? Firstly, this film is fucking 80s. As mentioned in earlier posts, I am a product of the 80s. I therefore possess some of the sparkle-magic that came with the decade and naturally gravitate towards things with giant hair and shoulder pads. This movie satisfied my 80s fetish. Secondly, this movie is gayer than Christmas. So much about it is laughably camp: the music, the mincing, the tights, all of it. It’s easy to see why this film has become a cult classic and why cinemas like the Prince Charles Cinema in London have monthly events. I imagine they draw an awesome crowd so I will attend one soon.

Now I’m not saying this movie is perfect. The graphics are objectively terrible (although I think that adds to the fun a little bit) and Jennifer Connelly’s character is irritating and weird. What kind of 16 year old girl talks to herself in the park? One with schizophrenia probably but I don’t think this character is crazy so much as she is annoying and privileged. I found it difficult to warm up to her but I must admit by the end of the movie I did want to punch her less. Also, there is one really racist bit in the movie when a group of midgets are torturing a gentle beast called Ludo. The midgets are speaking broken Japanese. Is the film trying to make a political comment on Japan’s whaling practices? Lord knows but I thought it was hysterically inappropriate either way.

Despite its flaws, Labyrinth shines like the 80s gem that it is. It’s flashy, garish, oh so tacky but deliciously fun at the same time. I think the thing that makes this film so brilliant though is you can see how much love went into it. It wasn’t a lazy production in any sense. Everyone in front of the camera and behind it put their all into their work and it really shows. Making this movie must have been so much fun and when you see the effort that made it all happen it’s hard not to get caught up in the joy of it all. This film is a celebration of the weird and phantasmagorical and that’s why I love it.

High-lights:

  • It’s 80s night!!! GO WILD!!!!
  • COWER AT DAVID BOWIE’S PENIS!!!!
  • Mazes and riddles and all sorts of topsy turvy trippy shit.
  • Sir Didymus and Ambrosius are my heroes.

Downers:

  • Jennifer Connelly’s character is a spoilt bitch.
  • One incident of racism.
  • The swamp has dirty buttholes poking out the ground which is a bit extreme.

Summary:

I’m glad that my mother’s sick perversion led me to this film. The trippy visuals and the fantastic and engrossing story combine to make one hell of an enjoyable movie. Anybody who tells you that they do not like this film is a rotten filthy liar or simply hates fun. You should shun these people. I demand that you expunge them from your life immediately.

9.5/10

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2 Comments

Filed under Action/Adventure, Mind Blowingly Awesome

2 responses to “Labyrinth (1986)

  1. Abbi

    I love this movie and everything you’ve said about it.

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