Genre: Kids, Action/Adventure
Cast: All your favourite whose names you can no longer remember…there’s the red one and then the blue one etc.
Synopsis: This is essentially a bad 90s exercise video with a random British jungle bint, purple goo, and animal ninjas.
Sometimes I like to look back on some of the things I loved as a kid. Often, I will become all nostalgic and remember why I loved that thing so much. Other times, I will think to myself: “what the fuck was I thinking?” Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie falls into that latter category. Fortunately, wisdom comes with age and with wisdom comes the ability to detect scam artists. This movie is an hour and a half long commercial in which sexy, young, and athletic California teens hock activity gear like roller blades and parachutes but deride shitty toys like tubs of purple goo which do nothing. I guess it’s a noble effort but the end result is so hysterically bad in a 90s kind of way it’s hard to take it seriously in today’s world.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I loved Power Rangers as a kid. In fact, the blue Power Ranger was probably my first real crush….a fact made even more depressing by the fact that the actor who played the blue ranger sent himself to a “Pray-Away-the-Gay” camp. Yeah, he did. Fortunately he came to his senses so if you’re still single blue ranger then hit me up. Anyway, looking back on it all, I can’t remember what the Power Rangers was actually about. Was is all about a bunch of hot 90s teens fighting monsters alongside an alien face and a retarded robot? What the fuck were the bad guys? The film didn’t really clarify anything and, in fact, it made things a lot more complicated by having the Power Rangers travel to a distant planet to speak with some woman with a jungle bikini and a British accent in order to connect with spirit animals. Suddenly, they’re all ninjas and in the background I can hear parents groan about how they’re going to have to waste their money on another piece of shitty merchandise.
It’s sad to think that there are movies out there which get made purely to sell toys. The GI Joe movie is an example, as is Batman and Robin. However, the funny thing about Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie is that it kind of does its toy-selling pitch in a self-hating way. Although it shows the fun of owning a pair of rollerblades as well as punching people who look different to you, it also warns kids about the dangers of buying things which do fuck all and turn you into slaves to the man. Having said that, as a kid I probably would have wanted a tub of purple goo and would have bugged my mum to get it. I guess the message didn’t really work on me.
- Reigniting my passion for the blue ranger.
- I’m sure the villain says: “You’ll be shitting wings in the morning.” I guess weed doesn’t improve my hearing.
- The Power Rangers has this vaguely Japanese feel to it and I started to reminisce about all sorts of good Japanese cartoons which were similar in one way or another….Sailor Moon, Cardcaptor Sakura for example.
- I wonder what my spirit animal would be.
- Why are they fire hosing a bunch of kids?
- The soundtrack sounds like it was written by Trey Parker and Matt Stone.
- The acting is shocking.
- The movie kind of encourages you to be aggressive.
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie is the sort of movie you should watch with a group of friends when you’re reminiscing about how great the 90s were and you all need a serious reality check. The 90s were an awful and confusing time between the go-go 80s and the unrelenting terror of the millennium and the dot-com age. Still, when I have kids, I’ll force them to watch this so they can learn about the hardships of growing up before Adventure Time and before Studio Ghibli became popular in the west. In the meantime, 90s shows and their movie counterparts still hold pretty good comedy value so I can’t score this film too harshly.