Predator 2 (1990)

Genre: Action/Adventure, Sci-Fi

Cast: Danny Glover, Gary Busey, Bill Paxton

Synopsis: A predator has landed in Los Angeles and tests its skills against local drug lords, the LAPD and some weird gay-ish voodoo pirates.

Some movies really don’t need a sequel. In fact, most movies don’t need a sequel. Predator definitely did not need a sequel, especially one that looks like it was made on a $200 budget. On the upside, Predator 2 is nowhere near as bad as Alien vs Predator 2 but that’s not much of a compliment because it’s not exactly a challenge to be better than Alien vs Predator 2. The problem with this film is that it’s all just completely unnecessary but in a kind of obnoxious and stereotypical 1980s way in which nothing makes sense. I mean, Jamaican voodoo pirate drug-lords? Were they actually a thing in 1980s Los Angeles? Also, why is Los Angeles presented like Syria? It’s like something out of Escape from LA but not quite as much fun. Gun fights do not happen on the subway…and for those of you who didn’t know, yes LA does actually have a subway.

Was any thought actually put into this movie? The first Predator movie worked so well because it was intelligent…or reasonably intelligent by most standards. It took a bunch of hardcore marines and pitted them against an elite killing machine in one of the most isolated regions in the world. The question on everyone’s mind was ‘will they make it out?’ The movie doesn’t really work in a city environment because it’s always an option for the characters to just get on a plane at LAX and skip town until the whole thing blows over. There’s no tense feeling of necessity. Instead it’s just Danny Glover running around looking crazy, which is essentially what he did in Saw if I’m not mistaken. The kill-or-be-killed mentality was missing and that’s what the predator is all about. It’s what gets him off.

What probably didn’t get him off were all the goddamn pirate voodoo drug lords. I know I’m going on a bit about this but it seriously made no sense. Also, the head Jamaican drug lord is called something ridiculous like King Willy. WHY? Oh God it’s all such a cluster-fuck that it’s making me get a little bit angry. I think the thing that made me the angriest was when the predator takes off his mask and says something like “shit happens.” Wasn’t that the tagline of the 80s and why would a psycho alien hunter know that phrase? Also, “pussy face”!!?? OK that last one did make me laugh but it was too little too late!

I think movie enthusiasts should stick to the first Predator but the second one could be an amusing watch if you’re with the right people. My brother watched this and thought it was all hysterical but, when I watched it, I just found it kind of frustrating. Instead of watching it and accepting what I saw on screen, I just ended up questioning every little thing because it made so little sense. That’s not the sort of movie experience I enjoy.

High-lights:

  • The low-budget quality is pretty funny. What’s even funnier is that it actually had a pretty decent budget in real life, something like $35 million. I guess having all the money in the world doesn’t really matter if you throw it towards a turd.
  • It’s not an Alien vs Predator movie…that’s something, I guess.
  • That one guy from Showgirls makes an appearance.

Downers:

  • It’s all so unrealistic. Do you really think that Danny Glover could take on the predator???
  • Voodoo pirates, voodoo pirates and more voodoo pirates.

Summary:

Watch with extreme caution. Although not the biggest turd in the toilet, it’s still large enough to cause a certain level of discomfort if you’re not in the right mood for it. My advice would be to watch it with friends so you can take the piss out of it jointly. If you watch it on your own, as I did, then it will just feel like you’re banging your head against a wall while trying to understand why voodoo pirates show up hallway through the movie.

3.5/10

 

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1 Comment

Filed under Action/Adventure, Crap, Sci-Fi

One response to “Predator 2 (1990)

  1. DOES DANNY GLOVER HAVE TIME TO BLEED?!?!??!? JESSE VENTURA SURE DIDN’T!!!!

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