Crank: High Voltage (2009)

Genre: Action/Adventure

Cast: Jason Statham, Amy Smart, Bai Ling

Synopsis: After falling out of a helicopter, Jason Statham has his heart replaced with a battery which he has to charge constantly or else he will die.

If I could summarize this movie into one word it would be ‘COCAINE!!!!!’ This whole movie is what I imagine being on cocaine is like; just running around doing crazy shit whilst you’re pumped and then crashing. “Charge” up some more and you’re ready to go again. It’s not that surprising really because Jason Statham strikes me as someone who could play a cocaine dealer rather convincingly…you know the sort: rough trade. Is it wrong that I have a crush on him? I imaging he can be both an aggressive and a tender lover…someone that COULD slap you around but never would. Am I sick in the head? Anyway, watching Crank: High Voltage stoned was interesting because it gave me an insight into what another drug I would never try is actually like. Now I just have to find a film that simulates crystal meth and I’m good to go. Maybe Sex and the City 2 was the movie equivalent of crystal meth: my face felt like it was melting as I watched.

I have to admit that Crank: High Voltage surprised me in a lot of ways. I thought that it would be super gritty and realistic but it’s actually not. It’s a film that takes a lot of dramatic license what with the heart/battery transplant and all. In a lot of ways, it felt like a student production: kind of low budget and experimental at times. Some of the gambling paid off (the Godzilla scene cutting back to reality was great) but at other times it did not (the arcade game opening). Still, I have to give the film makers props for trying something different. Another surprise was that Amy Smart is in the movie! I had no idea she was still around.

I have to admit that I was trying to find the first one but accidentally downloaded the second movie and didn’t realize until right at the end. Oddly enough, I wasn’t exactly confused by what I was seeing on screen. I don’t remember questioning the plot or who the characters were even when they were referencing events from the first movie. I guess that’s a sign that Crank: High Voltage is an engrossing film that grabs your attention. Personally, I prefer The Transporter: its action scenes were more interesting and it features Jason Statham in a suit AND oil. What more could I ask for?

High-lights:

  • Adrenaline-fueled action.
  • Bai Ling playing an Asian hooker was actually really funny. It’s not exactly high-class humor but we’re all entitled to our low-brow moments.
  • Big black lady in the car and the old Chinese man.

Downers:

  • There are some pretty gruesome scenes like when a guy spits into an open chest cavity or when a gangster does some impromptu nipple surgery.
  • Geri Halliwell…I loved you when you were a spice girl but, unless you’re planning a reunion, I don’t want to see you no mo.
  • It’s an A-B, B-C, C-D kind of movie and it gets repetitive.

Summary:

All in all, not a bad action movie. It could be better in a lot of ways, i.e. if it dialed down the whole cocaine thing, but as a distraction it does what it says on the tin. This is the sort of movie that can get you pumped so be careful about how and when you watch this. Maybe before you go to the gym or when you want to get ready for some aggressive yet tender Jason Statham loving.

6/10

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1 Comment

Filed under Action/Adventure, Good

One response to “Crank: High Voltage (2009)

  1. You’re not really missing much not having seen the first one. I imagine it’s pretty much the same as the sequel. I’ve only seen the first one, myself, and while I’ll say it was definitely a crazy movie, to me it was crazy in the wrong kind of way. It wants to be edgy, but it just comes off as amateur. Maybe the sequel got better in that sense.

    There is, however, a scene where Statham fucks Amy Smart to keep his adrenaline rush going. That part was kind of funny.

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