Cast: Sarah Jessica Parker, Cynthia Nixon, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis
Synopsis: A group of shallow, self-obsessed bitches go to the war-torn Middle East for a shopping trip and to waft their vaginal aromas in the face of Muslim culture. Seriously, there is a scene where Samantha opens her legs in the desert to get some fresh air down there.
This was perhaps one of the most painful experiences of my life. Sex and the City 2 or, as it’s more affectionately known, What the Fuck is this Shit? was like watching an old friend getting gunned down in front of my very own eyes. Everything that was funny and original about the series has now been systematically murdered. While watching this movie I was practically screaming in rage at everything on screen. I thought it would be funny. I was so wrong. I can’t even list a single thing that was good about this movie so, instead of fleshing out the review, I will simply move on to the downers list.
- The opening is really superficial and pointless. The show had an element of realism to it. The film is like: “Yes! This IS the second movie and everybody is here only for the money.”
- The gay wedding was just awful. As a gay man I can honestly say that I was offended. I don’t know a single gay guy that would want that kind of a wedding. The dance scene with Liza Minelli was just indescribably awful. I thought it would be funny, like watching a caribou in roller skates, but instead it was an exercise in cruelty and embarrassment, like actually putting an arthritic caribou in roller skates and then putting a gun to its head.
- The only thing this movie was about was clothes. It was a bunch of menopausal Barbie dolls being dressed by extremely flamboyant gay men who should know better.
- None of the actresses have any chemistry with each other anymore. When the series was at its height, all the performances were great and you could see that the cast members actually got along with one another. Now it looks like they can’t stand being in the same room as one another.
- The dialogue made no sense. I mean, I was high but still I think it was all gobbledygook.
- All the characters are horrible people. Charlotte complains because she has to look after her kids for maybe one or two hours a day and ends up crying because she was stupid enough to wear fancy clothes while making cupcakes. Miranda hardly gets any screen time but, when she is on screen, all she does is complain about how hard her life is because her boss is a dick. She probably earns about a $1 million a year so just suck it up for Christ’s sake. Samantha now rubs all kind of fruits and vegetables on her snatch so the less said about that the better, plus she goes abroad for a business trip and behaves in the most unprofessional way by practically flicking her bean in front of everyone. Carrie, however, has just become the vilest human being ever, one who has existential moments when she walks alone on the beach. She constantly complains about how she’s forced to do nice things with her husband like watch movies in their tackily decorated apartment. Even her old apartment looks gross. She’s absolutely horrible to everyone around her and then, when she’s arguing with her husband about how he doesn’t treat her right and how they should live in separate apartments two nights a week, she screams: “Is it because I’m a nagging bitch-wife!?” Yes, it really is. Everything that was real and wholesome about Carrie has completely gone. Carrie wouldn’t wear a see-through dress to the shops! That’s tacky.
- The film offends virtually every type of minority group known to man. Also, they totally out the gay Muslim in the movie. He’s probably dead now because of them.
Avoid this movie like you would a junkie on the street. Just keep walking and don’t make eye contact lest is chase after you like some fucking clown demon from your nightmares that starts to do a Liza Minelli dance routine. It’s too late to save myself but please, for the love of god, do not make the same mistake I did.