Showgirls (1995)

Genre: Erotic Drama

Cast: Elizabeth Berkley, Kyle MacLachlan, Gina Gershon

Synopsis: A young woman comes to Las Vegas to make it as a dancer. Then she becomes a stripper. Then she becomes an actual dancer in a show where she takes her top off for money.

My brother and I started to watch Burlesque on a spare stoner evening because we thought it would be a hilarious knock-off of Showgirls that involved Cher’s paralyzed face. However, as soon as Christina sat on a chair and started belting out a tune to an empty room we knew that it could never replace the original, which we promptly put on. Everything about this movie is so brilliant that nothing else can possibly compare. Showgirls is a true masterpiece of modern cinema. We should put a copy in a time capsule and bury it so that in the future humans can worship this film like some kind of holy text.

When Showgirls was released it was pretty much panned and it’s easy to see why that was the case. Everything is just so ridiculous. I mean, seriously, who goes to Vegas in order to ‘make it happen?’ Vegas is a dump! The ridiculousness is emphasized by the zeal that Berkley puts into the role. You can see it in her face as she’s grinding on Kyle MacLachlan that she’s thinking: ‘Yes, this is the role that’s going to get me my Oscar.’ The movie thinks it’s a lot deeper than it actually is which is what makes it so fucking funny. At the end of the day, it’s a movie about women who take their clothes off for money so it’s clearly not Sophie’s Choice. Although I must say that Berkley definitely deserves compliments for her body because it looks sick, and that’s coming from someone who isn’t even attracted to women.

Gina Gershon also deserves mad props for her portrayal as a sexually sociopathic lizard. She sort of creeps around stage and accuses women of being whores so she can seduce them. I may not know much about women, but calling a woman a whore may not be the best way to get into their pants unless they’re an actual whore. Hopefully someone can confirm this.

To be honest, being high isn’t really a necessity with this film because it’s so funny anyway that the only thing being high will add to the viewing experience is that you may be inclined to laugh more. If that’s the case, everything becomes funny; every bad piece of dialogue, every jerky hand movement in a dance routine that makes no sense, even the scene where Berkley gets her period over a guy’s hand. All of it just truly hysterical.

High-lights:

  • Easily one of the most quotable movies ever: “Brown rice and vegetables,” “Everybody got AIDS and shit,” “I’ve had dog food,” “See darlin’, you are a whore,” “You’ll see a smiling snatch if you don’t fix my gee,” “well you fucked the meter man,” “I was having my period Al, you wouldn’t want me to get blood all over the place would you?” are just a few examples.
  • “I’m not a whore! I’m a dancer!” yet proceeds to take her top off at every opportunity she gets.
  • Penny. Poor, poor Penny. She’s clearly the best character.
  • The dance show itself. What is the point of it? It just seems to be a bunch of people dancing naked throughout different time eras such as a volcano cave man time and a gang rape inspired 80s setting. Did people used to pay money to see these kinds of shows? Truly bizarre.
  • The sabotage scene with the beads was brilliant…la la la la AAAAAAHHHHH!!!

Downers:

  • Very long.
  • The sex scenes with Kyle Maclachlan are…disturbing…to say the least.

Summary:

A hysterical commentary on power and sex in the Las Vegas showgirl world. Grab some brown rice and vegetables and give this a go! You don’t need to be high but, if you do want to smoke up, an indica strain might be helpful because you’re going to need to be sat in one place for a while. Highly recommended for group sessions unless you want to masturbate to the sex scenes but why would you want to do that? They all involve Kyle Maclachlan in some way, shape, or form.

9.5/10

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14 Comments

Filed under Drama, Mind Blowingly Awesome

14 responses to “Showgirls (1995)

  1. I haven’t seen this in forever but I do remember *giggling* a fair bit throughout. Poor Jessie Spano. 😉

  2. Best Bad Movie of all time! I love it!

  3. I recently watched Burlesque, and I can confirm the total lack of unbridled boobs. Cher’s face is indeed paralyzed, though.

    Is this on blu-ray? I’d buy it if it is. I remember back when it came out, I was all excited because I got to see Jesse’s tits. Come to think of it, that still does something for me. God damn, Paul Verhoeven. You always know how to reach me.

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  5. Pingback: Celebrity children double feature: If I become famous I’m getting my tubes tied | bakedmoviereviews

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