The Monster Squad (1987)

Genre: Comedy, Horror, Kids

Cast: Andre Gower, Ryan Lambert, Duncan Regehr

Synopsis: A group of misfits form The Monster Squad. A crack team of youngsters dedicated to eradicating the forces of darkness and to teaching the youth of America the values of conservatism…yeah, I couldn’t believe it either.

I remembered watching this as a kid and to me it always seemed like it was an accompanying piece to The Goonies. It was a film I remembered fondly so I thought it would be a great addition to this blog. How wrong I was. Watching this movie resulted in one of the most uncomfortable viewing experiences of my life. I freaked out. I freaked out big time. I’ve never been so paranoid or scared before, and keep in mind that I watched Ringu whilst stoned so that’s really saying something. I began to feel really sick. I can’t tell for certain whether it was this movie, the gory and gritty reboot version of the movie I was playing in my head, or something I ate earlier. Either way it compromised my ability to watch and review the movie with a balanced approach. As such, this review may be shorter than usual because I was focusing on not being sick. However, I did notice one thing about this movie: it is conservative propaganda.

This was the movie I used to watch as a kid. I never would have guessed it but the facts just started slapping me in the face as if Chris Brown was sat next to me. Bit of a low blow yes but he deserves it. There were so many anti-gay, anti-immigrant, and anti-welfare slurs and metaphors that it was unreal. Even the song at the end was borderline fascist: ‘who will stand up for the right!?’ It’s was like the rap was written by Anne Coulter. Plus, there were a ton of pro-gun moments too like when the fat kid shoots the creature from the black lagoon: ‘MY NAME IS HORUS *cocks shotgun.’ ‘MURCA!!! Maybe I’m a little too hard on the pro-gun message though: if I were being attacked by Dracula or the Wolfman or whatever I would want a bloody gun.

High-lights:

  • Quite a few WTF moments: an old man screaming at a German girl; Dracula raping three women in a closet; Girls wanna have fun reject pretending to be a virgin etc.

Downers:

  • So conservative at times that it wasn’t even funny.
  • For a moment I thought that Javier Bardem was in it but no, that wasn’t Javier Bardem.

Summary:

I’m actually quite apprehensive to give this a score because I wasn’t really in a good state of mind to watch and review this movie. I think in the right moment it could have been much better. Maybe if I was with someone else to laugh at the conservatism it would have been more enjoyable. I can’t give it a terrible score but I can’t exactly give it a good score either. I’ll give it a score bang smack in the middle.

5/10

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3 Comments

Filed under Comedy, Horror, Kids, Meh

3 responses to “The Monster Squad (1987)

  1. Damon that’s depressing…was just thinking I needed to give this one a rewatch.

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